Tahu's Performance
by Magdalan-Saiyan-Toa
Summary: Let us just say, it is not what you would expect... Rated humor, you will see why.


**(Cough) This is the reason I am not allowed to listen to the Bloodhound Gang. You should google or youtube the song so you can listen and laugh.**

**Disclaimer: Bionicle belongs to LEGO. "A Lap Dance is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying" belongs to the Bloodhound Gang. It can been found on their _Hooray for Boobies_ CD. **

**Tahu's Performance**

The crowd was rather rowdy as they waited for the next performance. They did not have to wait long, for when Tahu walked on with his keyboard they cheered.

Silence set over as the keyboard was set up. Finally, when Tahu was satisfied that the keyboard would stay in place for the duration of his performance, he turned it on and hit a button. A steady beat began to play an he began.

"_**I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert  
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.  
It had been a while.  
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went  
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.  
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons  
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.  
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,  
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.  
Name was Russell.**_

"_**Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Well I find it's quite a thrill  
When she grinds me against her will  
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'**_

"_**Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",  
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls  
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.  
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',  
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."  
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,  
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask  
as I do my little kooky dance.  
And then she told me to shush.  
I guess she could sense my desperation.  
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.**_

"_**Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Well I find it's quite a thrill  
When she grinds me against her will  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'**_

"_**So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.  
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ  
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole  
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something  
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"  
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later  
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.  
Got to nail her back at her trailer.  
Heh. That rhymes.  
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on  
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.**_

"_**Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Well I find it's quite a thrill  
When she grinds me against her will  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'**_

"_**Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,  
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into  
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.  
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",  
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.  
Well, my heart just dropped.  
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.  
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice  
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five  
in an eighteen-wheeler.  
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.  
Did I say that out loud?**_

"_**Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'  
Well I find it's quite a thrill  
When she grinds me against her will  
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'..."**_

No one is the audience moved. No sound rose, only silence.

That had to be the most interesting song they had ever heard.


End file.
